IFA’S “IWA PELE” (GENTLE CHARACTER) – RESOLVING CONFLICTS WITH CALMNESS
Conflict is Normal. How You Handle It Matters.
In every relationship—whether at work, home, or in the community—conflict is inevitable. But how we respond to disagreement determines whether the outcome brings healing or more harm. The Yoruba philosophy of Ifa teaches that strength is not shown through aggression, but through Iwa Pele—gentle character.
Ifa doesn’t just advise us to “be nice.” It gives us a practical framework for resolving conflicts with calmness, respect, and clarity, even in tense situations.
In this blog post, we’ll explore how Iwa Pele offers real-life tools to de-escalate conflict, communicate better, and preserve peace without compromising your boundaries.
What Is Iwa Pele?
Iwa Pele means “gentle or good character.” In Ifa, it’s not just a personality trait—it’s the foundation of a well-lived life. A person with Iwa Pele isn’t passive; they are emotionally intelligent, grounded, and steady even when provoked.
This principle encourages:
- Calm speech over yelling
- Listening over interrupting
- Understanding over defensiveness
- Accountability over blame
In today’s culture of quick comebacks and social media rants, Iwa Pele teaches us to slow down and ask: “Am I reacting from ego or responding with intention?”
1. Stay Calm When Others Aren’t
Conflict often escalates because one person mirrors the other’s anger. Ifa teaches that emotional control is strength. Before reacting, pause.
Ask yourself:
- Is this response going to improve the situation or inflame it?
- Do I want to be “right” or do I want peace?
Even if the other person is being difficult, Iwa Pele reminds us that calmness creates clarity. Take a walk, breathe, and return to the conversation with a level head.
Practical Tool: Practice the “3-Second Pause” before speaking in emotionally charged conversations.
2. Speak With Clarity and Respect
Communication rooted in Iwa Pele avoids insults, sarcasm, or blame.
Instead, it centers around clear, respectful expression.
Try This:
Instead of “You never listen,” say “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted. Can we talk through this together?”
Gentle character doesn’t mean avoiding hard truths—it means delivering them with care and dignity.
3. Listen to Understand, Not Just Respond
Most of us listen only to prepare our next argument. Iwa Pele flips that—inviting us to truly hear what the other person is saying.
Even if you disagree, validating someone’s emotions reduces defensiveness and opens the door to compromise.
Reflection Prompt: What might this person be feeling underneath their reaction?
4. Set Boundaries With Grace
Gentleness isn’t weakness. Ifa encourages us to be firm, but not forceful. You can maintain your boundaries without aggression or guilt.
Example Phrase:
“I’m happy to discuss this when we’re both calm. Let’s take a break and come back to it later.”
This protects your energy without adding fuel to the fire.
5. Choose Resolution Over Ego
Sometimes, holding a grudge or proving a point feels satisfying. But Iwa Pele teaches us that resolution brings more peace than pride.
If a relationship or situation is important to you, ask yourself: “What would it look like to resolve this with humility—not humiliation?”
Final Thoughts: The Everyday Power of Iwa Pele
Resolving conflicts with calmness isn’t always easy. But Iwa Pele reminds us that we always have a choice—to escalate or de-escalate, to speak with fire or speak with light.
This principle can be used in:
- Workplace disagreements
- Marital or relationship tension
- Family misunderstandings
- Community or neighborhood disputes
In each moment, we’re invited to ask: What response builds peace?
Takeaway Exercise: Daily Conflict Check-In
Each evening, reflect:
- Did I face any tension or disagreement today?
- Did I respond with Iwa Pele? Why or why not?
- What can I do differently next time?
You’ll find that over time, gentle character becomes not just a reaction, but a way of life.
Feeling overwhelmed? Reclaim your calm.
Life gets hectic — but you don’t have to face it unprepared.
Download Everyday Harmony, your free Ifa-inspired workbook filled with practical prompts, grounding insights, and gentle guidance to help you reset when life gets noisy.
